Statistics that I recently read shed new light on my thoughts about church and what there is to like about it…
Did you know that…????????????????????
· Church members divorce their spouses as often as their secular neighbors.
· Church members beat their wives as often as their neighbors.
· Church members’ giving patterns indicate they are almost as materialistic as non-Christians.
· White evangelicals are the most likely people to object to neighbors of another race.
· Of the “higher-commitment” evangelicals, 26 percent think premarital sex is acceptable, while
· 46 percent of “lower-commitment” evangelicals believe it to be okay also. [1]
There are far too many young adults– both the ones that were never raised in church and young adults that were raised as active members of a church – that simply hate church.
Not so long ago, young adults began voting about their opinions of church with their feet. Today, many will vocally express the reasons why they hate church. Below are a few of the reasons that I have heard over and over from young adults. This is not a scientific study. These reasons are subjective, but they bear witness to some startling attitudes about church.
1) Young adults hate church because they feel like it has nothing for them. They have trouble finding their place. How many times have you heard a young adult say, “I would go to Church, but they don’t have anything for me.” Or “I don’t go to church on Sunday nights, because they don’t have anything for me.”
Young adults do not see themselves as adults and therefore don’t feel like they fit into any of the adult activities. They also don’t see themselves as youth. What’s ironic, is that they are correct. Recent research has proven that adolescence in America goes on for much longer than it used to.[2] Popular songs such as Britney Spears’ “I’m Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman” is an anthem for this generation’s feelings on the subject.
2) Young adults hate church because they are idealists. Many young adults' spiritual depth, capacity for faith, and risk for God far outshine church members. (Of course, this is not true in every case.) This generation of young adults has a strong desire to live out their lives in a way that is wholly pleasing to God. They have not yet been jaded by many of life’s disappointments. They still believe in fighting for what is right. Too often, we, as adults, have learned to compromise in order to live a more comfortable life.
3) Young adults hate church because they are self-focused. The act of being a vital member of a church requires a level of self-sacrifice that many young adults find too uncomfortable. Sin nature, our culture, their developmental place in life, and the generationally segmented church culture all have significant roles in this attitude of self-focus.
4) Young adults hate church because young adults are immature. Young adults are often both immature and arrogant. Many of our churches value maturity and humility and subtly denigrate young adults for lacking those qualities.
5) Young adults hate church because young adults hate anything that seems fake. Many churches subtly ask people to “fake it till they make it.” Young adults will not tolerate fakeness. They want authenticity and transparency and they can smell a fake a mile away.
6) Young adults hate church because they think it is boring. Let’s be honest…. oftentimes church is not much fun. The elements of church that adults find satisfying and fun are very different from those of young adults. Young adults are looking for adventure and novelty and reality shows us that we are in a battle. Other than being scared occasionally, they concentrate on what makes them happy while adults run around trying to save lives and care for the wounded.
7) Young adults hate church because they hate bureaucracy and churches are associated with bureaucracy. Finding a young adult with a positive stance when the word “denomination” is mentioned is like trying to find … well you get the point. The word denomination is associated (rightly or wrongly) with bureaucracy, fighting, and the politicization of Jesus.
8) Young adult hate churches because churches are “lonely places.” I have heard this phrase over and over again. I suspect that it is a statement that the church has no real community for young adults. It could be a statement that churches are unfriendly places, but I suspect that it has more to do with a lack or real community.
Admitting that young adults and young adults have a problem with church is not easy for me. I think that it should not be easy for any of us. After all, we love Jesus, His church, and His young adults. We know that Christ started the church and that He loves His church. We know that young adults need to be actively involved in a church body – to be obedient and to become all that Christ wants them to become.
So, what can we do to help young adults overcome negative feelings about church?
1) We must recognize where their negative feelings are coming from….
a. Friends – although young adults are young adults, because of delayed adulthood, many still behave and rely on friends in a profound way. In a recent book entitled The Nurture Assumption, author Judith Harris hypothesizes that parents actually have less impact on an adolescent than the friends that he or she chooses.[3] As ministry leaders, we must recognize that friends’ opinions about God and church are of primary importance to an adolescent.
b. Culture via Television and Media – it’s easy for us to ignore this influence because of over-talking, but what’s influencing our adolescents’ culture is a multi-billion dollar business. Companies like MTV make their money by creating a culture that kids will buy. This is a generation of media gluttons and as we know from scripture we become what we take in.
c. Past personal experience – young adults may be young but they remember negative past experiences and unfortunately many young adults have had negative church experiences. (such as church splits, worship wars, and clergy immorality).
d. Family attitudes – although friends are of primary importance, family experience is a close second and young adults “catch” attitudes about church from their families. Unfortunately, the percentage of adult Americans involved in church is dropping dramatically[4] leaving fewer adults with pro-church opinions.
2) We must work to address their specific reasons for hating church.
a. Idealism – Young adults are idealistic. They take Jesus seriously. They will give their whole heart to a cause in which they believe. We need to expose young adults to the outlandish challenges of Jesus and help them strive to live up to His expectations. We need to teach them to ignore the criticism that comes from adults that are no longer idealistic. We should encourage their idealism and seek to protect it for as long as possible. If young adults find a church that is radical about Jesus and His claims, they will respond.
b. Maturity – Young adults are not adults. Because of delayed adulthood, they are really not young adults until very near the end of the college undergraduate degree. Therefore, we should not treat them like adults. We should strive to move them adulthood and maturity in Christ, while still recognizing the real maturity challenges that they face. As churches and ministries we should still seek to provide specialized ministry to young adults like we do children and youth. They are a special class of people and as a whole they do not possess the maturity to get over the “I’m not going because they don’t have anything for me” attitude.
c. Community – Young adults travel in packs like wolves. If we seek to create a ministry that will truly reach lost young adults and disciple young adult believers then we must create a community for them. For too long we have viewed community-building activities such as retreats and fun events as a waste of time and a distraction. Many have felt that these “fun” activities distract us from evangelism and discipleship. However, this generation must have community as a foundation before anything else can be done.
3) We must pray that God will speak to this generation about His church – that He will change their attitude and our attitude. Let’s face it, apart from a unique move of God, this generation will continue to struggle through life without the benefits of a church community.
[1] The Scandal of the Evangelical Conscience by Ronald J. Sider
[2] Youth Ministry in an Age of Adulthood by Chap Clark, accessed at http://www.youthspecialties.com/articles/topics/ adolescent_development/delayed_adulthood.php
[3] The Nurture Assumption by Judith Harris (The Free Press, New York 1998)
[4] The End of American “Religion as We Know It”? by Charles Harper, accessed at http://moses.creighton.edu/kripke/news/S97-3.html
